If the Apostle Paul Came to Your Church Convention

I've been reading about how the Lutherans apparently are so enamoured of the way the way the "embrace of homosexuality thing" is going in the Episcopal Church that they are right on the knife edge of voting to throw themselves off the same cliff. This got me thinking - what if the Apostle Paul showed up today and made the rounds visiting the annual (or triennial) general conventions of the major Protestant denominations? What would he say? How would he react?

Remember this is the guy who said that the pro-circumcision party should go the whole way and lop it all off while they were at it! And he once advised the Church at Corinth to deal with a person with whom he had a little ethical disagreement to skip the "listening sessions" and "hand him over to Satan for the destruction of the flesh." If stuff like that got into the Holy Scriptures, just imagine what the Holy Spirit had to edit out!

Anyway, imagine Paul at the Lutheran convention talking to some pastors:

"OK, this Luther guy you keep going on about sounds all right, but explain to me again what being justified by faith has to do with going soft on sodomy?"

He looks surprisingly stern at the Southern Baptist Convention, considering that they just voted for the "Great Commission Resurgence:"

"Yes, yes, of course we agree that world evangelization is the Number One Priority, but how on earth can you say that you believe it and drive a Lexus?"

We catch up to him at the Episcopal Church General Conference, fresh from an "Inclusive Celebration of Holy Communion" where God was referred to as "She" and wandering around the exhibit hall in a daze somewhere near the "Integrity" booth:

"Holy Sweet Mother of our Lord! I sure hope you guys are all certifiable lunatics and get locked up soon because, if not, I didn't bring nearly enough exorcists on this trip!"

Then it is the turn of the United Methodists to have a visit.

"Look, I think I've got a handle on what you mean by premillennialism, amillenialism, and postmillennialism. But that other view you keep talking about - "Millennium Development Goals" - how does that go again?"

Finally, he jets over to Africa to the Anglican Church of Nigeria annual meetings:

"Listen, guys: I got a job for you to do. See, there's this vast, dark continent that needs evangelizing . . . "